


Dying with Dignity

by Midnight Wolf (Larkawolfgirl)



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Canon Era, F/M, Heart-to-Heart, Illnesses, Scene Reversal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-08 10:56:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7754989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkawolfgirl/pseuds/Midnight%20Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This time it's Luke in the hospital. This time it's Tear's turn to confront him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dying with Dignity

**Author's Note:**

> This is taking place near the end of the game. Luke's fonons are separating. Tear, Mieu, and Jade are the only ones who know about it.
> 
> For some reason I remembered Luke turning his back to her because he was crying instead of the other way around. For the sake of the two lines where I mention this, let's just pretend that's how it happened.

My body feels weary (as if I might fade away at any moment). Sweat is pooled on my forehead and I’m having difficulty breathing. As I watch the others traveling ahead, not even taking note of how far I have fallen behind, I am reminded of that day on Deo Pass when I called Ion a liability for slowing us down. Now, watching the others’ backs getting further and further away as I lean upon my sword, trying my best to catch my breath, I realize just how inconsiderate I was back then. Ion must have felt as I do now—helpless, distressed, and frustrated. He deserved better. But thinking about my regrets won’t change anything; there is only the present and stopping Van.

There’s no time to rest.

Using my sword as a crutch, I push by body fully upright and toward the others. I still lag behind, but I manage alright until the monsters appear. This is the tenth group we’ve encountered since leaving the inn, and my body is no longer up to the task. When the ligar lungs at my leg, taking pants and calf in mouth, I swing but lose my balance in the process.

“Master!” Mieu calls from inside my bag. The fall must have dislodged him. “Look out!”

The ligar lunges for my exposed face, claws at the ready, but I manage to move quickly enough that it impales itself on my blade.

I try to rise but the effort is too much, so I just lie there, looking at the sky and thinking about how peaceful it would be to nod off. Then Tear is calling my name and shaking at my shoulders.

“I…I’m fine,” I say, forcing a smile.

She’s not buying it. “Why didn’t you say anything? You could have jeopardized this entire mission.”

“I know. That’s why. We don’t have any time to waste.” She thins her lips, looking displeased.

Guy is on my other side. “Honestly, Luke. I didn’t think you were this stupid. Your safety is most important right now.”

My smile becomes easier at his caring words. “Thanks, Guy. But really, it won’t matter if I’m healthy if Van destroys the world.”

“And,” Tear cuts in—in that authoritative tone I hate so much because when she uses it I know she’s right—“there’s no way we can stop Van if you are lying on the ground useless.”

Guy shoots her a disgruntled look, but I wave my hand at him limply. “You’re right. I was being stupid.”

By the time they have lifted me up so that my weight is evenly distributed between the two of them, Natalia, Jade, and Anise have circled us, each looking concerned. As they take turns helping me to the nearest hospital (and Mieu repeatedly asks if I am feeling any better), I realize just how lucky I am. They didn’t just forgive me, they became my friends. It makes me as sad as it makes me happy. I’ve gained so much after leaving the manor, yet I still don’t want to give any of it up.

It isn’t fair. I’ve lived such a short life. Then I remember Akzeriuth and my past resolve to give up my life if it could make up for it. It is fair; this is my atonement.

Doctor Shu wasn’t surprised to see me. My fonons will continually grow more unstable, and as they do, I’ll grow weaker. That doesn’t bother me, though, as long as I hold onto my strength long enough to defeat Van. I have a purpose, one that can make up (at least a little) for the mistakes I’ve made, so I’m honestly okay. At least until I see Tear’s face.

She enters my hospital room quietly, as if she doesn’t want to be noticed. Her face shows composure, but I can see the worry beneath it.

“Hi, Luke.”

“Hey.”

She approaches my bed but doesn’t move to sit. Giving me a concerned look, she takes hold of her forearm. “Are you feeling better?”

“As well as can be expected.”

“I see,” she says quietly. “Luke, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to give up your remaining life like this.”

“I seem to remember telling you something similar back when you were here instead of me.”

“Yes, you did. But I am a soldier. This is the life I have chosen. But you, Luke…you never chose any of this.” Her composure is breaking, and it pushes me to act stronger than I feel.

“It is now. I want to do this. I’m glad that I’m needed for something. Even if that means I have to die.”

“Luke!” Her arm stretches toward me but stops midway. Tears sit in her eyes as she trembles slightly. “I told you before, you shouldn’t talk about death so lightly.”

She looks so disappointed, as if she will miss me when I’m gone. I don’t like seeing her like this. “I’m not. I’m so scared I can’t stand it.” My voice holds shaky resolve. “But even more, I can’t stand the thought of standing by helpless.”

“Luke…” She looks like she wants to touch me somehow but chooses better of it, turning herself around, a welcome breather. “You idiot. What about the rest of us you’ll be leaving behind?”

“You’ll be safe. Because of what I did. I…won’t have any regrets that way.”

There is a faint muffle. Is she crying? I’m too much of a coward to ask, but I like the idea of her crying over me. Just like how I cried for her. It’s funny thinking about how our roles have reversed.

“I’m glad it was you Ion healed.” The words are out before I realize I’ve said them aloud.

“You idiot,” she sobs.

“Yeah, I am. I’m an idiot and a coward.” _But I’m your idiot._ “I can’t be like Asch, but I can be a better me as long as I keep trying. You taught me that.”

She nods. “Does it…hurt?”

It takes a minute before I realize she is talking about my fonons. “Not really. It kind of feels like when you are about to fall asleep—relaxing and natural. Almost like I’m returning to where I belong.” I look down at my hands. “That sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

“Then I’m glad.” She’s no longer sobbing, which is a relief.

“Tear, thank you for worrying.”

Abruptly, she turns around and lifts the corner of my blanket. “Here, get in. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

I chuckle as I nestle myself beneath the blanket. She sits on the edge of the bed with a gentle expression and hums. It is a lullaby, one that makes me think of “home.” If only I could listen to her sing for days on end (I think I could die truly content), but soon my eyes are drooping. The last thing I see is her smiling, a small nod of her head.


End file.
